How to be Champion
By Sarah Millican
Hilarious, heartwarming and inspirational, this is the number 1 Sunday Times bestselling autobiography by comedian Sarah Millican. The funniest book of the year! *****'The naughtiest, helpiest, laughieoutloudiest and goodest book I've ever done reading on. Give that girl a banana!' DAWN FRENCH SARAH MILLICAN'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH, FEEL NORMAL AND PROBABLY SNIFF YOUR LEGGINGS. Part autobiography, part self help, part confession, part celebration of being a common-or-garden woman, part collection of synonyms for nunny, Sarah Millican's debut book delves into her super normal life with daft stories, funny tales and proper advice on how to get past life's blips - like being good at school but not good at friends, the excitement of IBS and how to blossom post divorce. If you've ever worn glasses at the age of six, worn an off-the-shoulder gown with no confidence, been contacted by an old school bully, lived in your childhood bedroom in your thirties, been gloriously dumped in a Frankie and Benny's, cried so much you felt great, been for a romantic walk with a dog, worn leggings two days in a row even though they smelt of wee from a distance, then this is YOUR BOOK. If you haven't done those things but wish you had, THIS IS YOUR BOOK. If you just want to laugh on a train/sofa/toilet or under your desk at work, THIS IS YOUR BOOK. 'Of course Sarah Millican's book will make you laugh out loud, but there are moments where she will touch you deeply. The dirty bitch.' KATHY BURKE
The Hidden Rune of Iron
By Suzanne McLeod
The fifth and final novel in the Spellcrackers series, this is a brilliant and action-filled adventure that's packed with humour, magic, romance, and even a few revelations. You can also expect the cameo appearance of a few characters from Ben Aaronovitch's Peter Grant novels! THE HIDDEN RUNE OF IRON is a cracking end to a fantastic story.
Heart of Granite
By James Barclay
The world has become a battleground in a war which no side is winning. But for those determined to retain power, the prolonged stalemate cannot be tolerated so desperate measures must be taken.Max Halloran has no idea. He's living the brief and glorious life of a hunter-killer pilot. He's an ace in the air, on his way up through the ranks, in love, and with his family's every need provided for in thanks for his service, Max has everything . . .. . . right up until he hears something he shouldn't have, and refuses to let it go. Suddenly he's risking his life and the lives of all those he cares about for a secret which could expose corruption at the highest levels, and change the course of the war.One man, one brief conversation . . . a whole world of trouble . . .'Barclay is one of our story-telling gems; he's given us a hard-biotech future set in an all-too believable worn out world, where exotic part-alien creatures have replaced military hardware. Intense action scenes with dogfighting dragons flown by elegantly flawed pilots, and manipulated by devious politicians meant I read this in one sitting. And best of all is the Heart Of Granite itself, an astonishing battle behemoth that would make Godzilla run away with his tail between his legs' Peter F. Hamilton
The House of Shattered Wings
By Aliette de Bodard
Paris in the aftermath of the Great Magicians War. Its streets are lined with haunted ruins, Notre-Dame is a burnt-out shell, and the Seine runs black, thick with ashes and rubble. Yet life continues among the wreckage. The citizens retain their irrepressible appetite for novelty and distraction, and The Great Houses still vie for dominion over France's once grand capital.House Silverspires, previously the leader of those power games, now lies in disarray. Itsmagic is ailing; its founder, Morningstar, has been missing for decades; and now somethingfrom the shadows stalks its people inside their very own walls.Within the House, three very different people must come together: a naive but powerful Fallen, an alchemist with a self-destructive addiction, and a resentful young man wielding spells from the Far East. They may be Silverspires' salvation; or the architects of its last, irreversible fall . . .
The House of War and Witness
By M. R. Carey, Linda Carey, Louise Carey
In the year 1740, with the whole of Europe balanced on the brink of war, a company of Austrian soldiers is sent to the village of Narutsin to defend the border with Prussia. But what should be a routine posting is quickly revealed to be anything but. The previous garrison is gone, the great house of Pokoj, where they're to be billeted, a dilapidated ruin, and the people of Narutsin sullen and belligerent. Convinced the villagers are keeping secrets - and possibly consorting with the enemy - the commanding officer orders his junior lieutenant, Klaes, to investigate. While Klaes sifts through the villagers' truths, half-truths and lies, Drozde, the quartermaster's woman, is making uncomfortable discoveries of her own - about herself, her man, and the house where they've all been thrown together. Because far from being the empty shell it appears to be, Pokoj is actually teeming with people. It's just that they're all dead. And the dead know things - about Drozde, about the history of Pokoj, and about the terrible event that is rushing towards them all, seemingly unstoppable. The ghosts of Pokoj, the soldiers of the empress and the villagers of Narutsin are about to find themselves actors in a story that has been unfolding for centuries. It will end in blood - that much is written - but how much blood will depend on Klaes' honour, Drozde's skill and courage, and the keeping of an impossible promise...
How To Raise A Jewish Dog
By Ellis Weiner, Barbara Davilman
You don't have to own a dog and you don't have to be Jewish... A humour title about using guilt, shame and passive aggression to raise your dog that will have you barking with laughter.A 'Not Missing Yet' sign informs neighbours that dog is not missing. Some trainers call this precaution unnecessary. We say: It couldn't hurt.Finally! The dog training techniques and tips developed by the renowned Rabbis of the Boca Raton Theological Seminary are available in book form. Look out, monks. Step aside, whisperer. Rabbi Monica and Rabbi Alan show, step by step, how you can use guilt, shame, passive aggression, sarcasm and Conditional Unconditional Love to create an unbreakable bond with your dog. It's all here, including:- The five ways of commanding 'Sit!' ('What, would it kill you to sit down for one lousy second?')- A useful list of Advanced Commands ('Don't stare at Cousin Edith's hair when she comes over.')- How to use Situational Martyrdom when the dog disobeys ('Fine. Do what you want. I hope you have a nice life.')The rabbis have been training dogs - and their owners - for 20 years. Now they bring the fruits of their vast experience to dog owners everywhere. And the best part? You don't have to be Jewish to benefit from the programme. Just neurotic. Or crazy about your dog.
The Heart of Fire
By Michael J. Ward
Return to the world of Valeron in another astounding adventure. Deeper and more complex than THE LEGION OF SHADOW, the options available to your hero are exciting, carefully planned and beautifully written. The Heart of Fire is awakening, and only you can save the world ...You are a prophet, both gifted and cursed by your strange powers. Imprisoned in the infamous dungeon of the inquisition, you are tormented by visions of a nightmarish future. No-one has ever escaped. Doomed to live out your days in chains and darkness, a twist of fate provides you with a chance for freedom - to take on a new identity and start a new life. But no matter where you go, where you hide, you can never escape the haunting images of your own prophecy ...Is it possible to outwit destiny and change the future? You decide in this epic fantasy adventure - the highly anticipated follow-up to the bestselling gamebook THE LEGION OF SHADOW. Every decision you make will have an impact on the story - and, ultimately, your fate.
The Honest Toddler
By The Honest Toddler
A laugh-out-loud funny parenting guide from the Honest Toddler, the Internet's most infamous tot, whose unchecked sense of entitlement and undeniable charm on the Honest Toddler blog and on Twitter @HonestToddler have captivated hundreds of thousands of fans online.Are you a confused parent to a toddler?Are you constantly disappointing the small child in your life?This book can help you become a better servant/parent to the toddler at the heart of your world.You'll learn about everything from meal preparation (hint: just put the crackers on a plate), play date etiquette (don't touch. Just don't.), to how time-outs make you look like a fool. The Honest Toddler says a firm 'NO' to popular, fashionable parenting trends and instead embraces the big questions: Who Does Mommy Belong To? How Can You Prevent Siblings? And Sleep and Weaning Yourself Off it.
By Joe Abercrombie
They say Black Dow's killed more men than winter, and clawed his way to the throne of the North up a hill of skulls. The King of the Union, ever a jealous neighbour, is not about to stand smiling by while he claws his way any higher. The orders have been given and the armies are toiling through the northern mud. Thousands of men are converging on a forgotten ring of stones, on a worthless hill, in an unimportant valley, and they've brought a lot of sharpened metal with them. Bremer dan Gorst, disgraced master swordsman, has sworn to reclaim his stolen honour on the battlefield. Obsessed with redemption and addicted to violence, he's far past caring how much blood gets spilled in the attempt. Even if it's his own.Prince Calder isn't interested in honour, and still less in getting himself killed. All he wants is power, and he'll tell any lie, use any trick, and betray any friend to get it. Just as long as he doesn't have to fight for it himself.Curnden Craw, the last honest man in the North, has gained nothing from a life of warfare but swollen knees and frayed nerves. He hardly even cares who wins any more, he just wants to do the right thing. But can he even tell what that is with the world burning down around him?Over three bloody days of battle, the fate of the North will be decided. But with both sides riddled by intrigues, follies, feuds and petty jealousies, it is unlikely to be the noblest hearts, or even the strongest arms that prevail.Three men. One battle. No Heroes.
Halfway to the Grave
By Jeaniene Frost
Half-vampire Catherine Crawfield is going after the undead with a vengeance, hoping that one of those deadbeats is her father - the guy responsible for ruining her mother's life.But when she's captured by Bones, a bounty hunter and a vampire, she finds herself forced into an unholy partnership.In exchange for his help in finding her father, and still astonished she hasn't ended up as his dinner, Cat agrees to train with the sexy night stalker until her battle reflexes are as sharp as his fangs. But that's not all Bones has to show her - Cat's starting to believe maybe vampires aren't all evil after all, especially ones as cute as Bones. She's half-convinced that being half-dead doesn't have to be all bad. But before she can enjoy her newfound status as confident kick-ass demon hunter Cat finds herself, and Bones, hotly pursued by a band of killers. She's is going to have to pick a side - and fast ...
Heritage Of The Xandim
By Maggie Furey
The Lady of the Mists has seen a vision:'Three women, all born when the moon was concealed by the shadow of the sun, would hold the future of the world in their hands, determining whether it would be lost or saved. Three children of a red moon, a blood moon ... One a wizard, one Phaerie Born, and the other ...'Try as she would to see this woman - and she knew in her heart it was a woman - all that would come into her mind was the image of a grey horse, running, running ...Following the passing of Valir, Croisand has become the Windeye, the Shaman of the Xandim. Once shapeshifters, the Xandim were able to pass from human to equine form, until they were cursed by Hellorin, the Forest Lord of Phaerie, locked into horse form and mind, to act as steeds for his people, coursing across the night skies as they hunt down humans.But now Corisand has been gifted with Valir's unique knowledge, she alone knows that her race could be so much more. And she alone holds the key to stopping an act of epic folly from overturning the worlds of Phaerie, Magefolk and mortal alike.
Hammer And Tickle
By Ben Lewis
The book that immerses the Cold War in the warm bath of nostalgia.Q: Why, despite all the shortages, was the toilet paper in East Germany always 2-ply?A: Because they had to send a copy of everything they did to Moscow.Communist jokes are the strangest, funniest, most enchanting and meaningful legacy of the 80 years of political experimentation in Russia and Eastern Europe, known as Communism. The valiant and sardonic citizens of the former Communist countries - surrounded by an invisible network of secret police, threatened with arrest, imprisonment and forced labour, confronted by an economic system that left shops empty, and bombarded with ludicrous state propaganda - turned joke-telling into an art form. They used jokes as a coded way of speaking the truth.HAMMER AND TICKLE takes us on a unique journey through the Communist era (1917-1989), and tells its real history through subversive jokes and joke-tellers, many of whom ended up in the gulags. It is also illustrated with a combination of rare and previously unpublished archive material, political cartoons, caricatures, photographs and state-sponsored propaganda. Humorous, culturally poignant and historically revealing, this is the story of a political system that was (almost) laughed out of existence.